If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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