I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
