I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
