I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
i think my cat just said my name.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
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