ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
