So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
