Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
