kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
