walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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