Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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