I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
