You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize