I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
