how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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