i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
