I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My boob is missing a layer of skin
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
