if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
