Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
