Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Dick very happy bro
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
