WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
