She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
