My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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