So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
