hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
