I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
