I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'd cum for enchiladas.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
