Please, let me fuck your mom
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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