I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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