so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
