Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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