Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
