i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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