My sheets look like a crime scene.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm always down for nudity.
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