Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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