how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
