I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
