oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
