My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
