he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
