this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
