please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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