My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
"it" just moved
This girl is more easily done than said...
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
