Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
