I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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