Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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