He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize