my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
