that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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