did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
