the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
