not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
