did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize