someone threw a dead crab at me
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
