They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
