ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
