you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
