You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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