Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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