here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
