just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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