im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
