i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
birth control should be required to get into college
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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