I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
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