I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
