I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
