This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
