good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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