There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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