I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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