sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
