I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
home. puking in laundry basket.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
They are going to name an STD after you.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
