i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My ATM looks so different sober.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
