It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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