My underwear smells like fireworks.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
