so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
