I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
