We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
