Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
