it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
