I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
