11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
operation harelip BJ is a go
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
