Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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