i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
