It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
