so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
