I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
