I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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