Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize