The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
