So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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