sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
