I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
