after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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