At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
