i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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