I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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