i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
