i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I looked at my own cervix.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
