It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
