Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
