Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
