I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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