i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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