shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
