I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
