i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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