a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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