I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
