i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
