If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
