I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
