***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
