I wish you could order shots online.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The beers last night were like the tears from god
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
