just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize