I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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