Your tits are I can't wait for
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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