i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Someone shattered a urinal.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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