I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
