It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
