You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
