So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
